More Crap On My Mind

In my lifetime I have been through several BAD relationships. I'll keep it short and just say "I KNOW WHAT ABUSE IS". I had a husband who left more bruises on me than I could ever begin to count and who abused my child in the worst way imaginable. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I know what abuse is. Anyway, 7 years ago I met and moved in with the most wonderful man. On the 4th anniversary of the day we met, we got married. The most gentle and loving man I've ever met. In 7 years we have NEVER had an argument. Mind you, we've disagreed, but we've talked it out without ever raising our voices. The only time I've ever heard him raise his voice was during an extremely stressful move and I was stressed into max bitch mode. From the other room as he was carrying a box out the door he yelled "I'm stressed too". Five minutes later he came back in and gave me a hug. I have watched this man give away several cars, a beat up RV, and music equipment. My youngest son has been having a lot of problems in the year and a half since his wife died and my husband is always there to help. Our finances aren't the best, but when he places our food order each month, he buys an extra order for him and our granddaughters. Between my four children, we have 7 grandchildren, who all adore him.

Now, to the crap on my mind. He has a daughter. I've never met her because she won't speak to him and he doesn't know why. We've talked about it off and on for 7 years and he still can't figure out why. The last time he saw her was at her graduation and everything was fine as far as he could tell. She has a son. We've never met this 9 year old grandson. He has tried to contact her several times.... cards, letters, an invitation to our wedding. No response at all. Well, I did internet searches and I found her on twitter. I clicked 'follow'. She blocked me. I follow her ex on twitter. In many respects he reminds me of my husband. Not in appearance, but in how he "talks" on twitter. Because of the pictures he has posted we know that this grandson is the spitting image of his grandfather when he was that age. Anyway, I also found them on facebook. My husband and I read her posts and she sounds happy with her new husband. Then I found her ex's page and proceeded to read everything posted there. After clicking 'older posts' several times I came upon this:

I spent a bunch of years married to a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. I can't begin to describe how intense it was. Whenever I think "maybe it wasn't that bad" I re-read the journal a counselor asked me to keep. Our son (I have sole custody) has been diagnosed as "emotionally handicapped." He is also gifted but the scars profoundly effect his education.

My ex was severely abused by her father. It's a sad cycle of damage.

I have been livid ever since!!!! This man has not one single abusive bone in his body. Like I said previously..... I know abuse and abusers. My husband is NOT one of them. It is tearing my heart apart to know that this is what she has said of her father and that this is apparently why he has not been permitted to know his grandson. First of all, her parents divorced when she was 8 months old. Her father saw her on weekends. Then he moved away and he saw her less often, but she went with him to Florida to visit his parents and Disney World several times. She came here to visit him up until she was 16 and he yelled at her for acting inappropriately in public and poked her shoulder with his finger. He didn't see her again until she graduated at 18. Everything appeared to be fine that day, then she stopped speaking to him completely. This has weighed heavy on his heart all these years.... especially the not knowing why. And now... we find this crap! How do I get her ex to understand that she lied? Because there's no way on God's green earth that this man I married has ever abused anyone. I want her to tell me just exactly "HOW" he abused her.

Heavy on my mind

Another night I cannot sleep. Recently, I found an old friend on FB. I can't add as friend because for un-confirmed reasons she is no longer a friend. This has been weighing heavy on my mind for the last 7 years. We met about 15 years ago and became fast friends from the get go. We were like sisters. I was her maid of honor. When either of us needed the other, we were there. Then I quit work to take care of my parents. And one day when I got to her house she met me with a helmet and said you're going for a ride...... So, I got on the bike with her husband (nothing new there) and went for a ride. Only problem was he stopped and asked why I had dated his friends, but never him and "you know all of this could have been yours". To say I was shocked speechless was an understatement. Not long after my mom died and he came to the house to pick something up and gave me what I thought was a sympathy hug, only he then tried to kiss me! After telling him that I only loved him like a brother and could never feel anything other than that, and that he had it made with a wife who loved him dearly and I could never EVER do anything that would hurt her, I made him leave. After that, every time I went over there, if he was home, he would make comments when she was out of hearing that made me quite uncomfortable. So, I stopped going over when I knew he was going to be home. Then after a party she asked me if I had been hitting on him....... her 'new' best friend and her ex said they saw me. I was heartbroken that she would even ask! The last time I saw her my fiance (now my husband) took me to her house (even though it made him run late for work) so I could take her roses for her birthday. She was downright out and out rude!!!!! From that day on she never answered the phone when I'd call and never returned my calls. It's been 7 years and I still miss her.

New Baby Dragons!

I think spring has finally arrived.... though some days it feels more like summer, which in my mind is a good thing. Perfectly happy to see the end of the cold and white stuff! I've been working in the yard in spits and spurts. Got the pond in the ground, but not anywhere near finished. Even so, it is now the residence of 4 frogs. The water lily is happy to be out of the aquarium it spent the winter in and is doing well. I got some japanese iris from a lady in Elkton and they are blooming! Inside the house.... we got a bathroom vanity and sink off of Freecycle! The original "vanity" looked it's age and wasn't very nice looking at all. The sink was plastic (I didn't even know they made plastic sinks :o ) it was covered with gouges, deep scratches and all of it stained. I didn't like using it for anything. But now.... It looks soooooooooo nice! DIY network says putting in a vanity/sink is a half day project. HA! Took a week and a couple days. It's in now, and no leaks and that's what counts. Plus it just plain looks good! I am so happy with it I allowed myself "claytime". So far have two more cute itty bitty dragon hatchlings. Ruby and Garnet. I love making these things, but sometimes I think I've lost all my marbles. I use AngelBabyDove's eggs (she usually lays 2 each month). These dove eggs are only maybe an inch long... So, not only are they MUCH smaller than chicken eggs, they are also much more fragile. I try not to think about the ones that are smashed beyond recognition. Anybody know a sure fire way to make eggshells tough? Ruby has been listed in my Bonanzle booth, Garnet will be listed once her finishing touches are done. In the meantime.... HERE'S RUBY!!!!!

This one is Snow's fault!

While reading Snow's blog I realized it has been quite some time since I did one of my own. (Told you in the beginning I was no good at this). Soooooo......... it's been about 6 months. During that time we sold the big old falling apart 3-story Victorian and moved into a 3 bedroom mobile home. Talk about down-sizing! We still have boxes and stuff tucked all over the livingroom and in the hallway, to be sorted through and either find a spot for it or find a new home for it. There are also 2 storage units we're slowly weeding out.... will soon be able to condense into one unit. Slow progress there as the youngest son has been taking up a bit of time for the last month. We stopped in the end of March and found him stuck in bed. After 10 hours in the ER.... bulging disc. And nobody will see him without cash up front. We don't have the extra..... he can't work, has no insurance. So every few days he calls, can we come get him and he comes up here for a day or two. Just took him home tonight (picked him up yesterday). Was hoping to keep him a couple more days because our chiropractor said to bring him in and he'd see what he can do for him. Oh well, maybe in a day or two he'll be back.

On the home front.... I found "rumble buttons" !!!!!! Son and friend got up on the roof and put them in. Blow wind blow!!!!!!!!! Roof is oh so much quieter! In the next week or two the re-sealing of the roof begins. I was very happy to find lots of flowers in the flower bed. It's been fun watching to see what comes up. There are a couple bunches of bleeding hearts, lots of hostas and daffodils, a rose bush and either lots of irises or glads...... not sure which yet. Oh, and there's bunches of ornamental grass.... haven't looked it up to see what it is yet though. I've started (kinda sorta) digging the hole for my pond. After a couple shovels of dirt it's time to go sit and breath... Chantix next month! All in all, it's coming along well, if a bit slow.