More Crap On My Mind

In my lifetime I have been through several BAD relationships. I'll keep it short and just say "I KNOW WHAT ABUSE IS". I had a husband who left more bruises on me than I could ever begin to count and who abused my child in the worst way imaginable. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I know what abuse is. Anyway, 7 years ago I met and moved in with the most wonderful man. On the 4th anniversary of the day we met, we got married. The most gentle and loving man I've ever met. In 7 years we have NEVER had an argument. Mind you, we've disagreed, but we've talked it out without ever raising our voices. The only time I've ever heard him raise his voice was during an extremely stressful move and I was stressed into max bitch mode. From the other room as he was carrying a box out the door he yelled "I'm stressed too". Five minutes later he came back in and gave me a hug. I have watched this man give away several cars, a beat up RV, and music equipment. My youngest son has been having a lot of problems in the year and a half since his wife died and my husband is always there to help. Our finances aren't the best, but when he places our food order each month, he buys an extra order for him and our granddaughters. Between my four children, we have 7 grandchildren, who all adore him.

Now, to the crap on my mind. He has a daughter. I've never met her because she won't speak to him and he doesn't know why. We've talked about it off and on for 7 years and he still can't figure out why. The last time he saw her was at her graduation and everything was fine as far as he could tell. She has a son. We've never met this 9 year old grandson. He has tried to contact her several times.... cards, letters, an invitation to our wedding. No response at all. Well, I did internet searches and I found her on twitter. I clicked 'follow'. She blocked me. I follow her ex on twitter. In many respects he reminds me of my husband. Not in appearance, but in how he "talks" on twitter. Because of the pictures he has posted we know that this grandson is the spitting image of his grandfather when he was that age. Anyway, I also found them on facebook. My husband and I read her posts and she sounds happy with her new husband. Then I found her ex's page and proceeded to read everything posted there. After clicking 'older posts' several times I came upon this:

I spent a bunch of years married to a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. I can't begin to describe how intense it was. Whenever I think "maybe it wasn't that bad" I re-read the journal a counselor asked me to keep. Our son (I have sole custody) has been diagnosed as "emotionally handicapped." He is also gifted but the scars profoundly effect his education.

My ex was severely abused by her father. It's a sad cycle of damage.

I have been livid ever since!!!! This man has not one single abusive bone in his body. Like I said previously..... I know abuse and abusers. My husband is NOT one of them. It is tearing my heart apart to know that this is what she has said of her father and that this is apparently why he has not been permitted to know his grandson. First of all, her parents divorced when she was 8 months old. Her father saw her on weekends. Then he moved away and he saw her less often, but she went with him to Florida to visit his parents and Disney World several times. She came here to visit him up until she was 16 and he yelled at her for acting inappropriately in public and poked her shoulder with his finger. He didn't see her again until she graduated at 18. Everything appeared to be fine that day, then she stopped speaking to him completely. This has weighed heavy on his heart all these years.... especially the not knowing why. And now... we find this crap! How do I get her ex to understand that she lied? Because there's no way on God's green earth that this man I married has ever abused anyone. I want her to tell me just exactly "HOW" he abused her.

Heavy on my mind

Another night I cannot sleep. Recently, I found an old friend on FB. I can't add as friend because for un-confirmed reasons she is no longer a friend. This has been weighing heavy on my mind for the last 7 years. We met about 15 years ago and became fast friends from the get go. We were like sisters. I was her maid of honor. When either of us needed the other, we were there. Then I quit work to take care of my parents. And one day when I got to her house she met me with a helmet and said you're going for a ride...... So, I got on the bike with her husband (nothing new there) and went for a ride. Only problem was he stopped and asked why I had dated his friends, but never him and "you know all of this could have been yours". To say I was shocked speechless was an understatement. Not long after my mom died and he came to the house to pick something up and gave me what I thought was a sympathy hug, only he then tried to kiss me! After telling him that I only loved him like a brother and could never feel anything other than that, and that he had it made with a wife who loved him dearly and I could never EVER do anything that would hurt her, I made him leave. After that, every time I went over there, if he was home, he would make comments when she was out of hearing that made me quite uncomfortable. So, I stopped going over when I knew he was going to be home. Then after a party she asked me if I had been hitting on him....... her 'new' best friend and her ex said they saw me. I was heartbroken that she would even ask! The last time I saw her my fiance (now my husband) took me to her house (even though it made him run late for work) so I could take her roses for her birthday. She was downright out and out rude!!!!! From that day on she never answered the phone when I'd call and never returned my calls. It's been 7 years and I still miss her.